Eros and the prospects for a livable world
The sexual urge brings down the mighty and lowly alike; what if there were no others?
Harvey Weinstein didn’t surprise me. Kevin Spacey really didn’t surprise me. Neither did Bill Cosby, once I thought about his days of hanging around Playboy Clubs, even as he hawked Jell-O and portrayed Cliff Huxtable. Matt Lauer, maybe a little. The ones from a bit earlier who never tried to hide it behind a veneer of gentlemanly decorum - think Donald Trump, or Charlie Sheen - certainly didn’t surprise me in the least.
But Charlie Rose and Garrison Keillor? Yeah, those surprised me. Each of them exuded a relaxed humanity; each of them seemed to have a genuine appreciation for people as unique creatures foremost among their traits. There never seemed anything the slightest bit creepy about either of them.
And now there’s Bill Gates. Yeah, I’m surprised. I’m jaw-to-the-floor shocked. Call me naive, but I thought the clean-cut-nerd persona was who he was down to his core. The news about his divorce initially struck me as probably being a case of two people who couldn’t see their commitment through, given the demands, by virtue of their being so rich, influential, and in the spotlight, upon them.
Even a couple of days later, when it came to light that he’d met Jeffrey Epstein on several occasions, and even ridden on the Lolita Express, I was instantly willing to take Gates at his word. He just knew that Epstein could steer him to people who could contribute to his foundation.
Alas, it seems there’s been more to him than being a software-and-operating-systems geek and do-gooder. Much more. Frequenting Boston’s Combat Zone while a student at Harvard. Pool parties at which everyone was nude, and many were strippers by profession. Credible allegations of infidelity in his marriage to Melinda from the get-go.
When the posthumous revelations about Ravi Zacharias surfaced last year, I was likewise taken aback. The guy could dispense Christian apologetics with the convincing eloquence of a C.S. Lewis, Oswald Chambers or A.W. Tozer. He’d masterfully compartmentalized his life, although he apparently forgot the part about how nothing any of us does can ultimately avoid coming to light.
The temptation arises to settle for conclusions on the level of exploring the relationship between power and licentiousness. Henry Kissinger famously said that power is the ultimate aphrodisiac. But that leaves the feral-animal behavior of males on much lower socioeconomic rungs out of the discussion.
Here’s an important question to ponder: What is it that makes some men - a lot of men, thankfully - most men, hopefully - find one woman, devote their lives and every fiber of who they are to her, and bind and jettison every remote thought of temptation?
I daresay that even the most faithful husband on the planet fully understands the power of libido. There’s a line of demarcation in a man’s thought process between the seconds during which, upon seeing an attractive woman, he acknowledges as much, and that second past that line, in which he starts imagining possibilities.
Dealing with it collectively has taken some severe forms in various times and places, perhaps most notably in the dress standards for women in most Muslim societies. Other religions and cultures have placed great emphasis on modesty, generally in less dehumanizing ways.
But caging the beast ultimately happens on the individual level. A man must be ready for moments when choices must be made in the midst of powerful tugs. What distinguishes those who pass the test and those who fail?
I doubt that an answer applicable to all men can be provided, given the vast variety among the male humans inhabiting the globe. I would venture to say, though, that societal conditions in which norms are reinforced is a major factor. In a culture the artistic and philosophical output of which prizes real humanity - a respect for a person not in spite of her sexuality, but a respect that takes into account the fullness of who she is, all the levels on which she is to be appreciated - there’s a sense on a typical man’s part that his own dignity depends on according everyone else his or hers.
We seem to have abandon trying to have such a culture. It’s true that some men, such as those noted at the outset here, still wish to be seen as comporting themselves with dignity, but are well aware that, by their choices, they actually have little to none.
You’ll notice that no mention is made of how this whole realm of consideration works in the case of women. Women are certainly capable of harboring lust and acting on it, but it seems to play out differently than it does for men of high societal visibility.
Still, it’s surely true that at a woman’s moment of decision, she, too, benefits from having norms that instill affirmation of others’ full humanity as her guide.
There are doubtless those in our age of gender-bending and sex robots who say that we can go the other direction, and eschew norms altogether. We can now either define ourselves however we wish based on our feelings, or find gratification with objects that, however much resemble human beings, aren’t and can’t be.
However compelling that argument may be at first glance, it raises a supremely important question: Is there any resolution of the deepest human yearnings, and, in fact, is there any basic safety in a world in which connection is no longer deemed necessary? Nietzsche and Sartre notwithstanding, have we really thought about what a world without meaning would be like to inhabit?